Blast-Off Minus 3 Days

I, Byron Barnett, am not too worried about death.

You know what Will Shakespeare says about it in his play about that ghost that I mentioned a while back. He says:

“All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity.”

What he means is, when you die it’s like going from this dimension into another dimension where you keep on existing, just differently.

Not unlike my own interdimensional expeditions. The only difference being that my expeditions are roundtrip. 

It’s all very natural though. And there’ll be a lot to experience once you’re dead and your spirit is zipping through eternity. 

Nevertheless, I am thinking a lot about where my body will be buried upon my demise.

Like: will I be buried on the Moon? Do they even have lunar graveyards? And is there a lunar graveyard caretaker who maybe does Japanese-type designs with a rake in the moondust over the graves?

All good questions.

Speaking of graveyards, If I’m buried in Arizona I’d like my gravestone to say:

Byron Barnett
The Adventure Continues

Instead of Flowers
Please Leave Snacks
(Chocolate-Based Please)

I’ll be dead so I won’t be able to eat what people leave, but the birds and squirrels and rabbits and worms will. It’s magnanimous to help out the animal kingdom whenever possible.

Some people put in their will that they want to be cremated. That means your dead body goes into a special furnace that heats up to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and turns you into a mound of ashes. It’s extremely clean and germ-free.

Then your family gets to sprinkle you somewhere you liked when you were alive, like a lake or a ski slope. 

I’d be okay with being cremated, but I’d want some glitter added in. Preferably purple. To make me sparkle in the snow or wherever they sprinkle me.

Actually, burying me on the Moon probably makes the most sense. 

Specifically:

I’d like the people handling the event to put my real coffin with my dead body in it UNDERNEATH a fake-out coffin on top with a copy of my body in it made of chocolate.

Why?

a) Why not?

b) Because any space-vermin who come to get revenge on me for our past encounters will mistake my chocolate corpse for the real me (since being from another dimension they won’t know that humans don’t turn into chocolate when they die).

They’ll eat the chocolate Boon on top and won’t even think to look for the real Boon buried underneath.

And I’ll get the last laugh while zipping through eternity.

More soon,
Boon

P.S. I also wouldn’t mind a gravestone that automatically dispenses a chocolate bar to everyone who visits me. Even when dead, I can be quite considerate.

P.P.S. At my request mom baked me a chocolate-with-spider-web-frosting birthday cake last year for my 9th. I took several pictures before I ate it. Here one is: