Blast-Off Minus 13 Days
I, Byron Barnett, just mailed another letter to Galactic Snacking Solutions.
I kept a copy for my files. Here it is:
To: The Board of Directors
At:
Galactic Snacking Solutions Headquarters
1 Galactic Circle
Delicious, Colorado, USA
From: Byron Barnett
At:
My Bedroom
3rd Floor
The Barnett House
3210 Desert Drive
Access, Arizona, USA
Re: My Ambassadorship
Dear Members of the Board:
Following up on my other letter to you where I proposed being your first Off-Earth Snacks Ambassador, I wanted to make sure you realized I’m moving to the Moon in 13 days.
Since there’s not a lot of time to iron out the details, I have six important points to make:
1) You don’t have an Off-Earth Snacks Ambassador yet. I can fix that.
2) As your Ambassador, I can be the face of space-based snacking in ads and whatnot that your company puts in magazines and comics.
3) I can also be in charge of lunar snacking events. I suggest once-a-week giveaways of Space Gazelle Space Cakes and other edibles, with members of the press in attendance to write articles about how generous GaSnakSo is.
4) I’m not new to the food-and-beverage industry. I’ve been a loyal customer of yours for five years. I know your product line by heart. So I won’t have to learn on the job.
5) My brother works after school at a photography studio here in Arizona. He’s quite good at portraiture. When we’re up on the Moon I could ask him to take pictures of me posing for the ads. I could be holding Galactic Snacking Solutions products with the solar system in the background. Then send them down to you to paste in your logo and stuff before you put them in magazines.
6) Did you know that the average human tongue has between 2000 and 8000 taste buds? But my research suggests that my tongue has between 10,000 and 20,000. I was born to be in the snacks biz.
Let’s make this work.
Expectatiously yours,
Boon
P.S. I have an idea for a new product. “Moon Nuggets.” They should look like silvery moon-rocks but actually be highly crunchable cookies. Chocolate mint is a good flavor to start with. The kind where you bite into chunks of mint inside the chocolate, not the kind where the mint is already all mixed in and smooth.
Here’s a picture of a prototype for you to mull over. (It’s a real moon-rock, so just use your imagination and think “mint.”)
