Blast-Off Minus 7 Days

I, Byron Barnett, now record in this chronicle that both my letters to the Board of Directors at Galactic Snacking Solutions Incorporated in regards to my Ambassadorship have gone unanswered.

No phone call.

No telegram. 

No postcard.

Which can only mean one thing: 

An interdimensional whammy has occurred.

Possibly some space-vermin slipped in from the Third Deadly Realm and intercepted my letters. In revenge.

Yes, space-vermin’s skin turns to the crispness of a potato chip in our dimension, so they almost never come here, but they might’ve risked it to get back at me for one of the times I vanquished them lately. Most likely the incident of the Main-Vermin-Breaking-Off-His-Teeth-When-He-Bit-The-Cast-On-My-Arm.

Right now a horde of vermin might be outside my very window. Or hiding behind one of our larger cactuses in the driveway, watching for me to put my mail in the mailbox. Then eating it before the letter carrier comes.

Or they might ambush the letter carrier after he leaves here and gobble up everything in his satchel.

If this is what’s been happening to my letters to GaSnakSo, I’m gonna have to communicate with them another way. And briskly. Cause I leave for the Moon in a week.

What I think I’m gonna do is, I’ll write another letter. But instead of putting it in the mailbox, I’ll get Taji to drive me downtown to the main post office. I’ll put it directly into the hands of the Postal Service.

That should work.

But what to write with so little time?

…

…

…

Got it.

First I’ll recap my offer of being their first Off-Earth Snacks Ambassador ...

… then to prove my knowledge of and/or expertise with snack food, snack bars, and snacks culture, I’ll give them a couple of pages about the history of snacking, so they’ll see they’re not dealing with an amateur.

Also I’ll include a couple of recipes. For instance, “Ants On A Log.”

What you do is:

1) You take a celery stick. 
2) You spread peanut butter on the celery stick.
3) You put raisins on top of the peanut butter.

Then you’re done. And if you use your imagination when you look at it, you see ants crawling on a log. But tastily. And with a high degree of nutrition.

Ants On A Log happens to be a vintage recipe from at least twenty years ago. I’ll bet even the Board of Directors at GaSnakSo isn’t familiar with it. It used to be quite popular.

I have an idea for a cookbook that brings back all the great snacks from bygone eras. This would be one of them.

It’s just a sample of what I know about the history of snacks.

I’m sure GaSnakSo will find my credentials a good fit for the job of off-Earth Snacks Ambassador.

I just have to get to them in time.

More soon,
Boon.

P.S. Here’s a snapshot of Ants On A Log. In case your imagination was having trouble picturing it.